Tales From the Teacher’s Lounge: The Cock Strikes Again

On Monday I had to drive to Cleveland for a Dr’s appointment.  I drove two hours (through Akron in rush hour traffic) up there and an hour and a half back for a 10 minute appointment.  Seriously.  Ten minutes.

I had to take the whole day off since the appointment was at like 10:30, which usually makes me really happy.

But, this Monday I missed a landmark day.  There was another cock in the building.  This time it wasn’t a colored cock, it was a white one.  I hear it was much smaller than the colored one, but I guess nobody was surprised about that.

I found out when Lou texted me at lunch:  Mom, Farm Girl brought a white peacock to school.

Me:  Shut up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lou:  No for real.  (Then he included the little emji for a chicken)

Me:  Get a pic.  Stat.

Lou:  What is stat?

Me:  Now.  Get the photo now.  By the way, you sent me an emji of a chicken.  Are you sure it’s a peacock and not a chicken?

Lou: Why did you say stat?  What does that even mean?  And it looks like a giant chicken.

Me:  Get the pic and send it to me.

Lou:   How do I do that?

Me:  We didn’t get you an iPhone for nothing, boy.  Ask her to pose for one.  She’ll love it!

I immediately text Jeandayfriday next.

Me:  WTF?   Another Cock in the House????

Jeanday:  Oh yes she did!  This one is white.  She gave it a bath.

And then Jeanday does what any true friend would do.  She sends me the photo.   For about an entire two minutes I contemplate leaving Sam’s club immediately and driving to school so I can see this big (although not as big as the colored) white cock in all it’s glory.  Perhaps, since the cock is clean, I will even touch it and see if it’s as silky smooth as Jeanday said the colored cock was.  I, of course, did not touch the colored cock.  It’s not that I’m racist or anything, but I usually don’t go around stroking strange cocks.

I decided that picking up another case of toilet paper was more pressing than seeing the cock in person, so I just waited until I got to school on Tuesday to get the scoop.

It was reported to me that, once again, she took the cock on parade around the building to make sure everyone could admire it.  But this time she waited until it had had its bath.  An unidentified male science teacher reported walking in on her blow drying the beast with her hair dryer to ensure she didn’t get her clothes wet while she carried the thing around the building.  (I just want to make it clear she carries the thing around, lest you conjur an image of a peacock on a leash, which would be both ridiculous and fallacious.)

Another male staff member reported that he spent the day actively seeking out Farm Girl for conversations in which he refused to break eye contact with her and look at or acknowledge the peacock.  He was taught in his educational theory classes that sometimes you don’t want to reward attention-seeking behavior.  In my opinion, that’s a good strategy.  I guess it was a blessing I wasn’t here after all.

 

 

 

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5 Responses to Tales From the Teacher’s Lounge: The Cock Strikes Again

  1. I almost lost it when that bird showed up here this week! It was smelly and wet because she had given it a bath. I don’t have enough time in my day to get all my grading done, but she had time to bath a peacock. Odd, isn’t it?!

    • valleygirl96 says:

      Oh no, the cock was smelly and wet….it’s a good thing you didn’t mention that before. Imagine what I could’ve done with that nugget of information in my post!

  2. javaj240 says:

    Seriously and sadly hysterical. This woman sounds like a real bang-up colleague. LOL!

    What kind of a school do you people work in, anyway? Doesn’t the administration have an issue with livestock in the building?

    And thanks for clearing up that she carried the foolish thing around all day because I had, indeed, pictured it on a leash.

  3. The Hook says:

    What can I say? This was blogging gold!

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