Tales From the Teacher’s Lounge: Cock in the House

I’m preparing my lesson plans for next week during our morning half-hour planning time.  Minding my own business, you know, working.  At work.

I hear Farm Girl’s voice and from the top of my glasses see her sauntering toward mine and Jeandayfriday’s door.  I duck my head down deeper into the textbook, hoping that she does not walk in my door.  It’s Friday and I’m not in the mood.

I hear Jeanday take in a deep breath and utter “WOW!”  So I have to look.  In my doorway, I see this:

photo

It’s a cock.  A peacock to be exact.  In school.  Jeanday can’t resist this Farm Girl event.  It’s been awhile since we had one, so she starts:

“That’s a magnificent (pea)cock!  It’s soooooo pretty!”

She begins stroking its feathers.  “Oooh, it feels so good.  It’s soft.”

Another staff member, from the middle school, steps into my room shaking her head.  “Is this for real, man?”  She asks me.  I can only shake my head.  “This is why I could never work in the high school.  Weird stuff happens up here.  Really weird stuff.”

All I can say is, “yep.”

Staff members begin to congregate outside my door, incredulous looks on their faces.

Farm Girl warns, “I hope he doesn’t start flying around.  You should have seen him when I brought him in.  He went flying all over (she says those two words in a sing-song voice) the classroom.  Had a hard time catching him.”  I secretly begin hoping the thing takes flight throughout the school.  Students are about to be released from the cafeteria, and it would be hilarious to watch peacock and students dodge one another down the narrow hallways.

Meanwhile, Jeanday has taken out her camera to shoot the auspicious moment.  And she continues to intermittently stroke the cock,  urging the others, “you have to feel this.  Touch it.”

She hollers in my room, “Come out here and feel this.  You have to touch it.”

“Nope.  No I don’t.”  I call back.

“Come on….how often do you get a chance to feel something like this?”

I decide The Doc will never believe this.  I snap a quick photo with my phone and text him.  Seconds later he replies “Is that real?   If so, WTF???”

I’m mid reply to him when I hear, “Oh my God, it just pooped all over the floor!”  From one of our older female staffers.  Her voice is a mixture of surprise and disgust.

“Oops.”  Farm Girl says, staring at the pile of peacock crap on the white linoleum.

Jeanday recognizes immediately that Farm Girl is very much a nature girl, a nature lover.  If it’s natural, it must be good.  She’s concerned about what that might mean for the poop pile and remarks, “You HAVE to clean that up,”  in the most sweet, non threating voice that I, in a million years, could never muster in this situation.   She saves the day (of course!)  “I’ve got some paper towels in my room.  Go get them.”  She sweetly orders Farm Girl.

“That would be great.”  Farm  Girl replies.  “We haven’t potty trained him yet.”

How exactly do you potty train a peacock?  I might have to check on Ask.com since they have the answer to about everything else important I need to know.

In the mean time, Farm Girl decides to pick up the cock and parade it around the building after the first period class has begun, sure that EVERY student and teacher is absolutely as fascinated with her cock as she is.  We are not fascinated with her cock.  Her cock annoys us.

Ironically, two weeks ago Farm Girl sent out a panicy email to the entire staff.  She is concerned about the Sophomores who will be taking their state standardized tests in a few weeks and how unprepared they are (at least in Science.)  She includes a call to action – a staff meeting to determine what course of action we should take.  Here was my suggestion:  start teaching at the beginning of the year and stick to the curriculum.

Nevertheless, we have instituted “review sessions” and dangled the carrot of a day out of school to sophomores who attend four of these sessions.  Incidentally I was scheduled to teach one of these Wednesday morning.  Nobody attended.

And the final crowning significance of the Cock in the House incident is that this week our building is hosting a French Film crew who is shooting a documentary on American Public Education.

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22 Responses to Tales From the Teacher’s Lounge: Cock in the House

  1. The Hook says:

    This should be Freshly Pressed, if for no other reason than the shock value of the title!

  2. joedalio says:

    And I thought weird things happen in the middle school I teach at. Thanks for the interesting story : )

  3. It was a soft peacock! Lol! I was quite surprised when it made a grand entrance into my classroom. Only here… Only here. 😉

  4. Pingback: The Peacock Phenomenon | jeandayfriday

  5. I’m sure this lovely diversion will help students with their tests as much as any last minute study session. And the French will be amused, too. Tell them it’s the school mascot.

    • valleygirl96 says:

      Yes, I completely agree with you. As for the French, they were amused. Shot the whole thing and asked us whether this was a regular occurrence. One remarked, “You don’t see this kind of thing in France.” Somehow, that doesn’t surprise me.

  6. shoes says:

    LOL! This is simply awesome. 🙂

  7. Joan says:

    I came here from Jeanday Friday’s blog just to see what was up with the picture. This is hysterical!!!! I agree with The Hook — this should be Freshly Pressed! Brilliant

  8. Interesting day there.
    Where is your school? Very interesting comings and goings there. I can imagine the cock caused a stir.

  9. Haha! Nothing speaks to a fine education like misplaced peacocks. I’m sure the French will be very impressed if not baffled. Great post!
    Lisa

  10. peachyteachy says:

    I shudder to think of what would happen if a French film crew entered my building. Urban, with limited peacock presence. Cocks, yes.

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