The Case of the Missing Shirt

Sorry to bother all of you but I have lost my new ladies, gray, V-neck, size LX t-shirt that has a SV patch on the left shoulder that I got last week (or was it the week before). I had it, but I don’t have any idea where it is now.

I just received this very important email in my inbox. Apparently one of my colleagues is missing a shirt. I’m a little puzzled by this.

How do you lose a shirt at work? Do you take your shirt off while you’re at work? I don’t. Is she having an affair? Maybe that’s why her shirt was off. Did her lover swipe it? Does he secretly sleep with it and smell it all night long? Ok that’s weird…and gross.

I’m not sure what to do about the missing shirt, exactly. I could give her the shirt off my back, but then I’d be shirtless, too.

Wait a minute…”losing my shirt”…isn’t that a metaphor for becoming broke or losing a ridiculous sum of money? Is she being literal or speaking figuratively? I suppose since she’s so specific about the appearance it must be literal.

And what size is LX? She must mean XL. Perhaps she doesn’t proofread, like my students. (See yesterday’s post about run-ons.)

Do you think it’s possible she left her shirt at home? Or maybe this is her home. She’s living at school and she thinks someone has ventured into her classroom at night and stolen her clothing. Is she calling me a thief? Either that or she’s suffering from early signs of dementia.  After all, she’s not even sure if she got the shirt last week or the week before.  But I don’t know. I seem to lose things all the time. Just ask my students. I “lose” a lot of the papers they claim to have turned in. Or did I lose them? I don’t think so.

Then again, I know for sure I have lost things at home. One particular pair of pants seem to have gone missing from my closet. Maybe they’ve run off with the shirt. In which case, I’d better send out an email pronto!

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8 Responses to The Case of the Missing Shirt

  1. I almost peed my pants reading this. When I received the same email as you, I was wondering where a shirt might go. You have perfectly answered this for me – it is hanging with your missing pants and drinking martinis!!

  2. javaj240 says:

    Come on. You know you swiped it.

    “The Lady doth protest too much, methinks.”*

    *I thought you might enjoy that I worked in the “Hamlet” quote.

  3. javaj240 says:

    I know I already commented, but I just couldn’t help but focus on this woman’s need to let you all know when she had purchased the LX shirt with SV on the sleeve. It’s an important detail, I guess. For the police report. Kind of like, “Ma’am, when did you last see your son? And what was he wearing?” LOL.

  4. javaj240 says:

    One more thing. Is she a gym teacher by any chance?

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