I used to have a blog titled “brainvomit,” on which I posted a piece with the above title. It was in a series I did that I liked to call “Tales From the Teacher’s Lounge.” I thought of this piece today when I stumbled upon the post of the day from Curmudgeon At Large which relates to animal contraception, including, you guessed it, castration. I so much wanted to share it with him that I’ve decided to re-blog…hope you all enjoy (because the bull certainly didn’t).
Tales From the Teacher’s Lounge: Bye Bye Bull Balls
It’s Monday and finally time for lunch. I enter the teacher’s lounge to grab my bag from the refrigerator. At this time of day the lounge is full of people using the microwave, washing their hands, making copies…eating their lunch.
I hear one of our staff members, the one who previously left the sock in the microwave, talking about an open wound on her thumb….And it goes something like this:
FG (That stands for Farm Girl, our sock-leaving friend): …the guy who was castrating with us opened the gate, and my thumb was in the way….
Me: Did you say “castrating?”
Heads turn in our direction and the room suddenly gets a little quieter.
FG: Yeah (She says matter-of-factly, as if she’s talking about doing the laundry). We castrated the bulls yesterday.
FG: They’re not bulls anymore. Now they’re steers. And we’re gonna fatten them up and they’re going to be oh so tasty in a few months. (She smacks her lips for effect.)
Another Staff Member: Why do you have to castrate them if you’re going to eat them later? (She had to ask….)
FG – Bull meat doesn’t taste good.
Me – So, weiners make for bad meat? (What can I say, I cannot leave the conversation here without clarification. Plus, I figured another off-color joke could soon follow)
FG – (In a completely serious tone) No, it’s not the weiners that makes the meat taste bad, it’s the testicles. The testosterone gets into….. (I stopped listening here.)
Jeandayfriday: Oh God! (She begins singing) “New York is where I’d rather stay….I get allergic smelling hay)
Me: Oh, so it’s just the balls that are bad.
FG: Yeah. So, we just take them out.
Me: Take them out? What, do you just cut off the ball sack or do you use rubber bands like with sheep or what?
FG: Actually I learned something this weekend about Bull balls. There’s a membrane inbetween them.
Me: Oh, so their balls are separate? Like their balls don’t touch?
Jeandayfriday: Oh my God! Are you kidding me? “I get allergic smelling hay” she sings in an “I’m not listening” voice
FG: Yeah, so you just make a slit in the sack and pull them out.
Me: With your hands? You grab their balls with your hands and pull them out?
FG: Yeah. (She demonstrates) And they were the biggest testicles I’ve ever seen.
Other Science Teacher: Did you eat them?
Me & Jeanday: Involuntary gagging
FG: No, we threw them on the ground, but the dogs were feasting!
Me: (Deciding I now have enough fodder for today’s blog) Ok, I’ve got to go to lunch.
I had meatballs. They were delicious.