We Will Be With You In A Moment

I love calling doctor’s offices or insurance companies, or pretty much any establishment with more than three employees when my call is answered by some kind of automated machine.

It’s always some faux sweet woman’s voice or smarmy man’s lilt, telling me that “your call is important to us.” Right.

If my call was really important to you, wouldn’t you answer it? I mean, come on. I have an answering machine at home. When a call is important to me (because I have caller ID), I answer it. When a call is NOT important to me, the machine answers and I get back whenever I feel like it.

Once the machine answers the phone and has directed me on a journey of numbers to punch which are designed to lead me through a complicated web of directories, mailboxes, and department, I finally get connected and I hear the sweet sound of a phone ringing.

This has been my experience today. I have a simple question for my doctor’s office. Did you send the appropriate form to the DMV? That’s all I want to know. I’d like to be able to drive again. I had to pay the doctor’s office to have some staff member fill the form out for the doctor and rubber stamp it, a process which would have taken no longer than ten minutes. I had to have the form filled out twice. So, you guessed it, I had to pay them twice.

The DMV has yet to have changed my driving status. They suggested I check with the doctor’s office. How sad is it that it is easier to get through to a person at the DMV than at the doctor’s?

So I make the call and navigate my way through the nonsense, only to have that phone eventually answered by another message. “You have reached the desk of Darlene. I am currently not at my desk or I am unavailable at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, social security number, birth date, favorite color and blood type, and I will be happy to get back with you as soon as  possible or within 72 hours, whichever comes first.”

Instead of feeling satisfied and confident that my issue will be resolved, I feel very angry. After literally fifteen minutes of punching buttons and waiting on hold listening to Kenny G, I am STILL not able to speak to a human being.

I decided to try again later. Surely, if Darlene were busy at the moment, at lunch, taking a leak, she would be back at her desk later. Well, I’ve tried five times today and Darlene either has caller ID, a very weak bladder, or she does not work at an actual desk. In fact, I’m beginning to suspect there is no Darlene and it’s a giant conspiracy for thedoctor’s office to drive their patients crazy enough to request anti-psychotic medication.

Could you get me thatextension, please? Press 8? Ok.

“We will be with you in a moment.”

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5 Responses to We Will Be With You In A Moment

  1. Pingback: Simon Says | Views from the Valley

  2. crubin says:

    Am so with you on this one. The only thing more annoying to me is when I do reach actual human beings, but they keep shuffling me back and forth between other parties so that I have to repeat my story a thousand times. Can anyone say hypertension?…

  3. The Hook says:

    “I love calling doctor’s offices or insurance companies, or pretty much any establishment with more than three employees when my call is answered by some kind of automated machine.”
    That’s sarcasm, right?
    If so, good job!

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